STEP THREE – FAITH
STEP 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
SUPPORTING VERSE: “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”
– Romans 12:1
STORY/PARABLE: Naaman Healed of Leprosy – 2 Kings 5:1-14 (NIV)
Now Naaman was commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master and highly regarded, because through him the Lord had given victory to Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy.
Now bands of raiders from Aram had gone out and had taken captive a young girl from Israel, and she served Naaman’s wife. She said to her mistress, “If only my master would see the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy.”
Naaman went to his master and told him what the girl from Israel had said. “By all means, go,” the king of Aram replied. “I will send a letter to the king of Israel.” So Naaman left, taking with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels of gold and ten sets of clothing. The letter that he took to the king of Israel read: “With this letter I am sending my servant Naaman to you so that you may cure him of his leprosy.”
As soon as the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his robes and said, “Am I God? Can I kill and bring back to life? Why does this fellow send someone to me to be cured of his leprosy? See how he is trying to pick a quarrel with me!”
When Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his robes, he sent him this message: “Why have you torn your robes? Have the man come to me and he will know that there is a prophet in Israel.” So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.”
But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage.
Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.
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STEPPING INTO FAITH
The following has been revised from the Big Book and phrased in the first person. Read it aloud, preferably to someone each day for a week, and then decide if:
- It applies to you.
- You’ve had enough MISERY to quit living like you’ve been living.
- You are WILLING to accept your life from this day forward on Gods terms.
(From the Big Book, pages 60-63) The first requirement for Step Three is that I be convinced that my life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis I am almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though my motives are good. I try to live by self-propulsion. I am like an actor who wants to run the whole show; I am forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in my own way. If my arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as I wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including myself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements I may sometimes be quite virtuous. I may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, I may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, I am more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off very well. I begin to think life doesn’t treat me right. I decide to exert myself more. I become, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit me. Admitting I may be somewhat at fault, I am sure that other people are more to blame. I become angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is my basic trouble? Am I not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Am I not a victim of the delusion that I can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if I only manage well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things I want? And do not my actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Am I not, even in my best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
I am self-centered – ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. I am like the retired businessman who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever my protestations, am I not concerned with myself, my resentments, and my self-pity?
Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, I think, is the root of my troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self- delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, I step on the toes of my fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt me, seemingly without provocation, but I invariably find that at some time in the past I have made decisions based on self which later placed me in a position to be hurt.
So my troubles, I think, are basically of my own making. They arise out of myself, and I am an extreme example of self-will run riot, though I usually don’t think so. Above everything, I, as an alcoholic, must be rid of this selfishness. I must, or it will kill me! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. I had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but I could not live up to them even though I would have liked to. Neither could I reduce my self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on my own power. I have to have God’s help.
This is the how and the why of it. First of all, I have to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, I will decide that hereafter in this drama of life, God is going to be my Director. He is the Principal; I am His agent. He is the Father, and I am His child. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which I will pass to freedom.
When I sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. I have a new Employer. Being all powerful, He will provide what I need, if I keep close to Him and perform His work well. Established on such a footing I’ll become less and less interested myself, my little plans and designs. More and More, I will become interested in seeing what I can contribute to life. As I feel new power flow in, as I enjoy peace of mind, as I discover I can face life successfully, as I become conscious of His presence, I begin to lose my fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. I will be reborn.
I am now at Step Three. I said to my Maker, as I understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” I thought well before taking this step making sure I was ready; that I could at last abandon myself utterly to Him.
I’ll find it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as my wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as I expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, will be felt at once.
DOWNLOAD THE STEP THREE EXERCISE WORKSHEET FOR STUDY QUESTIONS – CLICK HERE
I’ve included some additional reading along with two suggested exercises below that will help you take Step 3. Both the readings and the exercises will assist in reviewing your own state of willingness and your desire for healing in your life, bringing it into the reality of the present physical realm. These exercises should be done on paper, hand- written and kept for future reference in your Recovery Notebook. They should also be discussed with your sponsor, guide or a close friend. God has a special purpose for the material in these exercises that He will reveal to you as you move through the 12 Steps into a life of recovery, redemption and restoration.
ADDITIONAL READING:
READ: 12 Steps and 12 Traditions – Step 3 (pages 34 – 41)
READ: Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” Pages 58 – 63 in Chapter Five: How It Works
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- STOP at the bottom of page 63 and do not read ahead. We will cover the next pages in our STEP FOUR workshop
STEP THREE EXERCISES
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EXERCISE ONE: WHO’S GOT YOUR “SIX”?
“Watch your six” is military terminology for “watch your back,” referring to the 6 o’clock position. If a friend has “got your six,” that means he’s got your back, he’s watching out for you. These are the kinds of friends we want to surround ourselves with in community. I once met with a friend of mine who is an MD specializing in addiction recovery. He told me his own personal story and shared his secret that absolutely changed his life. He called it simply “THE SIX.” He chose six of his closest friends, guys he knew he could trust and that cared for him. He met with each of these friends individually and asked them to be an accountability partner for him. He made one promise to each of these men; that he would be COMPLETELY, BRUTALLY HONEST with each of them about the intimate details of his life. NOTHING was off limits. These guys had full permission to ask him ANYTHING and he promised to answer with brutal honesty. He committed to complete transparency. They could ask him about his marriage, his health, his finances, his sex life, his thought life, the way he spends his time – ANYTHING…and he committed to answer them honestly.
He assigned each friend to a specific day of the week and set up a reminder in the calendar of his phone to call or text the assigned friend EVERY day just to touch base or check in. Sometimes it’s just a simple text, sometimes it’s a quick phone call, sometimes it’s a breakfast or lunch meeting or a few minutes together at a coffee shop. Regardless, he puts in the effort to contact one of these guys EVERY day.
Having a team of trusted friends to “watch his six” combined with a commitment to being “REAL” (brutally honest) with them has been the key component in his own emotional and spiritual health. We’ve learned that we cannot break these kinds of habits, patterns and addictions or grow to the deeper levels of our relationship with God ALONE. God created us for fellowship with each other and uses us in each other’s lives to the extent that we’ll allow him.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17
Identify and list SIX different individuals of the same gender that you feel comfortable calling if you needed help. These should be individuals that you RESPECT and TRUST and would be willing to listen to and accept help from if you were in a jam. This list can include close friends that are familiar with your addiction, family members, members of your recovery groups, pastors, leaders or laypeople at your church, co-workers, etc. The most important requirement is that they are people you RESPECT and TRUST.
This exercise is designed to eliminate and protect against ISOLATION in our lives. Commit this week to reach out to each of these individuals and ask them if they would be willing to spend a few minutes on the phone or in person periodically to be a sounding board for your spiritual development and journey of recovery. Be honest with them about your struggle and spiritual journey and ask them to be a trusted advisor and connection. Ask your sponsor/mentor/guide to hold you accountable to this task.
EXERCISE TWO: THE THIRD STEP PRAYER
Take some time during the next week to get away for a half hour or more alone, in solitude with God. Re-read the passage in the Big Book from pages 60 to 63 leading up to the Third Step Prayer. Spend a while meditating on it and dissecting its different requests of God and bring your heart and mind into alignment with it. Consider the costs of such a prayer – giving up your will in exchange for God’s will in your life. It is the most important spiritual commitment you will likely ever make. When you are ready, say the prayer (or your own version of it if you’d like – the exact words aren’t critical, but the general theme of turning your will over to the care of God.
God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do thy will always. Amen.
Write in your journal about the day you took this step with God and describe how it makes you feel. MEMORIZE the Third Step prayer and say it often to remind you of who is “running the show” in your life!
Once you have said this prayer honestly from your heart to God, you have COMPLETED STEP THREE and you are ready to move on to STEP FOUR. You are making great spiritual progress! Congratulations!